Divorce USA? Not really.

Well Brett Favre, thank you for our newest infidelity scandal. Once again, households are turning on their TV's to hear weeks of "who cheated on who and how" in the news. Sadly, this isn't a new phenomenon, and it seems like one scandal is barely out before the next scandal is in. That's when we hear all the statistics of the "high" divorce rate in America... Then the men bashers come on the tv and we hear how horrible men are and how they are almost certain to cheat and leave. The scum bags! Ugh. I get so tired of hearing this. So thank you Favre. And thank you media.
I am so annoyed with hearing some TV news anchor basically explaining to me that my marriage is doomed because my husband is "systematically" programed to cheat, and there is nothing I can do about it, that I had to send out a little blog about how this stuff is all a bunch of crap. And to take a line from Reading Rainbow, "Don't just take my word for it.."
Here is what is ACTUALLY going on:
The US Census Bureau reports that divorce rates are actually decreasing. In 1980 the divorce rate was 15.9, and has been decreasing with every Census since till we reach 10.9 in 2007. Of those, 17% were for the reason of infidelity. There aren't any hard statistics that show what percent of those were from the MEN cheating, and not the women
So, where in the world do all the crazy high stats come from?
Well, if you have ever taken a stats class (or were in debate for years), you learn that it's all in how you present the data.
For example, "RECORD NUMBER OF DIVORCES FOR 2007", could be the title, and the article can read, "Highest reported divorce rate on record for past decade. Divorces jumped up by 71% in past ten years. The United States is in an epidemic..." All the information in that last statement, is "technically" accurate, but here is what it isn't telling you:
The data described above isn't the national average, it's concerning the rate of divorce for the state of Oklahoma solely. Second, it also fails to mention, that in 1990 the divorce rate was actually still much higher than for 2007 (falling from 7.7 to 5.2). The comparison is from the year 2000, where the rate was 3.7. Finally, in giving you the percent increase instead of the actually percent, it is able to give you a higher number for shock value. The rate increased from 3.7 to 5.2, which isn't exactly a huge leap, but if you give the "percent increase", it makes it sound enormous (71%). (e.g. I have one blue dog out of every 1,000 white dogs. This year that number increased by 100%. I now have 2 blue dogs out of every 1,000).
The one statistic that we hear over and over again is that "half" of marriages end in divorce. But as the NY Times reports, "..one of the most commonly cited statistics about marriage is that half of marriages end in divorce. But that number reflects the expected lifetime divorce rate of people married in the 1970s." It goes on to say, "The story is different for more-recently married couples. A comparison of 10-year divorce rates among college-educated men married in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s shows that divorce is becoming less common..."
So why the all the publicity? Why is it we can't turn on our TV or open a magazine without hearing all about the cheating ways of men and women and the tragic way all of our marriages are going? It's called ratings. You may roll your eyes and it may make you sick, but how many of you clicked on that link about Brett Favre that showed the picture of the girl he was sending dirty messages too? Or how many of you tuned in to hear what his wife had to say about it all? It's gossip at its utmost. People love to hear the dirt on others and as long as we continue to click that link and turn up the volume on our TV, the news will continue to report things that way.

Brett Favre sent some dirty things to a cheerleader and we will be hearing about it for weeks and weeks. Kurt Warner (another All-Pro, Hall-of-Fame Quarterback) has been on Dancing with the Stars this last season. When doing the tango he felt uncomfortable because of the sexual style of dance, so he asked his wife to join him for a rehearsal and ensure that she was comfortable with him dancing like that before he would proceed (she told him yes). Kurt and Brenda (his wife) met in 1992 and have been married since 1997. When I watched this happen, I thought how cool it was. But it wasn't reported on the news, there weren't any articles or even a mention of it anywhere. In fact, had you not actually watched that episode of the show, you would have no idea that it happened. Two pro quarterbacks make two radically different decisions. The only one you hear about is the one that gets the ratings.
My marriage is going to last forever. There isn't a doubt in my mind. Thick or thin, good times and bad, Aj and I will be holding hands till the very end. A lot of us will. And I am really tired of society trying to make all of us doubt it.

Dear Deployment: We're winning.

If I haven't said it before, let me say it now, deployments suck. They aren't "long distance relationships," although the distance is part of it. Deployments are a whole different entity. I can't call Aj when I have had a bad dream. He can't call me when he has one either. I don't have the option of saving money for a surprise trip to see him for Christmas and he doesn't even get the option of asking for the day off. Our phone conversation are limited to the 60 mins allowable calling time per week that he is given. He only gets to use these minutes in his limited free time in a room he shares with several other roommates, with a 9 hour time difference. Our internet conversations are usually 20 mins maximum, due to the terrible service he has where he is at, and opportunities for him to get online are sporadic. We don't get to make our plans for vacation, the military does. And those change randomly at times. Like I said, deployments suck.
But please, don't say that you are sorry. Don't feel bad or upset, or frown because we are "going through this horrible event", because despite the best attempts of the evil Dr. Deployment, we're winning. 
Yesterday, Aj and I got some poopy news, they are pushing back his RR. At least, they are for now. Not a giant amount of time, but even an extra 24 hours at this point is a slap in the face. When Aj told me this, and I in turn, got bummed out, he said to me, "Baby, we are at the end of October already. We've got this in the bag. It's nothing." Although, I disagreed immensely with the "it's nothing" part, which I know he only said to make me feel better, he's right. RR is still less then 3 months away even with it being pushed back. When he leaves again, this thing will be almost over. We will be on the downward spiral, and we will have won.
This last week Aj was finally able to get some regular sleep. The drills they have been doing non-stop were over and the ridiculous hours stopped with them. He was able to catch some football, catch up on his sleep, and even his laundry. He no longer sounded like a robot on the phone but my happy and energetic husband. Although the Cowboys took a blow this last weekend and weren't able to hit their stride yet, the Rangers beat the Yankees and go to the World Series, giving Aj bragging rights still. Plus, both of our fantasy football teams blew the others in our leagues out of the water. Another bonus. 

As I said in a previous post, a couple of other wives husbands came home for their RR time this past few weeks, and I was able to join one couple this last weekend at their daughters brithday/ Halloween party (which I dressed Blitz up as a linebacker for.. hehehe). Jeremy, the soldier, is friends with Aj and the two are deployed together. It was good to see him home, healthy and happy with his family. It also felt good knowing that we are to the point in the deployment where soldiers are taking their RR already. Again, proving that Aj and I are winning.
So, like I said, deployments suck, but don't feel bad. We're winning. Every single day, we've won. And when it is over, we will have gone through a year long deployment and came out better, stronger and ready for the rest of forever.

Real Life "Sitcom"

Since Aj deployed, I hate to admit, I have had a lot more TV time then I used to, or really should. Although, I tell myself it's ok since I am usually multi-tasking when it's on. But I'm just not used to sitting long enough to take in one 30 minute program, let alone two different hour long programs. But my recent upgrade in viewing time has actually brought out some really fascinating sociological thoughts. One of which really hit me this week, thanks to the best gift God has ever given me, my husband.
I am a person with faults (I know, I can hear you gasp in surprise..). In fact, I have many. One of them is my overly emotional immediate responses to different things. I get really worked up extremely fast and the emotions that come with it are just as high, I then spend a good 20 mins venting, at which point, I calm down and become a sensible and rationale human being again (no comments from the peanut gallery please). Poor Aj dealt with one of these "outbursts" earlier this week. I want to add here that I am not in any way saying this is when I get angry. It can be when I am angry, but also happy, sad, or just on a topical soap box. These outbursts are part of the glorious wonder that is me.

I am very aware that I do this, and I honestly try to keep it down as much as possible. I actually feel terrible after I get worked up cause I can be a real pain in the ass. I then apologize profusely for this obnoxious fault. This week, I was apologizing to Aj (I had been crying on the phone to him the night before) that I got so worked up so quickly and that I knew it was stupid. He then told me it wasn't stupid. It's ok, and that he understands. He didn't say it to make me feel better, he said it because he really understands that, that's me. That's one of my faults and it's part of who I am. After we got off the internet from him telling me that I am ok and not to be sorry, I immediately thought of one of my all time favorite quotes: "You don't love someone despite their faults, you love someone with their faults."

That night, I watched one of my newest favorite television shows, Bones. If you aren't familiar with it, it's about a forensic anthropologist named Temperance Brennan who helps solve murders. She is ridiculously intelligent and very beautiful but when it comes to emotions and understanding the illogical part of being human, she is the equivalent of Data from Star Trek. Completely confused by illogical uses of emotions and psychology, she is a wonderful character on the shown because of this "flaw." This got me thinking, all of the characters on sitcoms that are the most loved, are that way because of their flaws. For example, every member in the cast of Friends has different flaws. Joey is a lovable lady's man but not too bright. Monica is OCD and high strung, Rachel a spoiled rich girl, Rozz is like the human equivalent of Eeyore, Chandler a sarcastic mess, and who can forget Phoebe's terrible music and eccentric ways? The flaws of these characters are what we love. Without them, the shows and people would be boring. We love them with their faults, not despite them.

I love Aj. I love the fact that when football is on, despite his best attempts, a conversation is borderline useless. I love the fact that he has so much energy that my dad asked us to go to the park to play (we are both in our 20's). I love that he is so competitive playing Madden that we have agreed to adjust our "title" to boyfriend and girlfriend when we play against each other (so he never has to say the phrase, "My wife is beating me at Madden."). I love how he whistles constantly for no reason. I love him with all of these things, and apparently, Aj loves me for all of my "flaws" as well.
I guess what I am saying, is that we should always try to improve and want to make ourselves better (I still am working on a way to curb my emotional craziness) but that we shouldn't feel guilty or apologetic for our "flaws". They aren't faults, they aren't even flaws, they are what makes us lovable, and when someone truly truly loves us, they love all the annoying things that come with us.

Wild Turkeys and Bob Cats and Boars! Oh My!!

Aj and I talk about how glad we are that we don't have children right now. Aj gets sad missing out on April and Blitz, let alone if we had small Kelly's running around the house. This week, is no exception. I know I put a quick update last week on the shenanigans of those two, but I can't help it, they crack me up.
Yesterday, Blitz and I decided to go to the hatchery (where my office is located for the Department of Wildlife) and goof off for a while. I really wanted to let Blitz run around a bit and he has always loved it there. Usually we walk around a few of the ponds, then I lay a blanket out under the tree next to the building and let Blitz play. This time was a little bit different.

We have a new friend that has taken up home at the hatchery, a young bob cat who lives in a wood pile not 15 yards from the office door, and not 5 yards from the tree that I like to lie under. This particular bob cat, who the guys and I at the hatchery have been watching curiously the past couple weeks, doesn't seem to have any fear of people, and isn't nocturnal. He was wide awake yesterday when Blitz and I arrived and was lounging in the same spot that I was planning on placing my blanket. Probably not my smartest move, but I decided to pull up anyway and just keep our distance. Blitz and I got out of the car and the bob cat didn't move. Just watched. We played around the ponds and scuttled around the grassy area around him, keeping about 10 yards distance at all times, but he didn't seem bothered at all. Finally, I decided to quit pushing our luck and move to the other side of the hatchery altogether, where we found, wild turkeys! Yay! Blitz was so excited to chase the large flock of dumb birds around for a while when I remembered, "Oh yeah, we keep a small boar fenced in to act as bait for larger boars here." So I called Blitz and him and I took a walk over to see her. Blitz was ecstatic! He barked and yipped and chased that boar from the outside of the fence from one end to the other. I firmly believe he thought he had a new friend to play tag with and was frustrated when I wouldn't let him in the fence. I walked away eventually and called Blitz, who followed me back to the car.

Then last night, I was able to talk to Aj for a little while online. He had woken up around 3 in the morning over there in order to catch me online for a bit. While chatting, he made the comment he hopes that Blitz remembers him. I assured him that he would. After we got off the computer, my curiosity got the best of me and I went to find something in Aj's closet that I hadn't washed and would still smell like him to show Blitz. The only two items I could think of were Aj's jacket and his slippers. I brought them out, and showed them to Blitz, and he went crazy! He pulled Aj's jacket from me and ran off, sniffing it and searching every corner. He wouldn't give it back to me and I had to fight him for it. When he finally let go of it, he ran over, grabbed one of Aj's slippers and took off to his bed. Again, I had to fight him for it. It was as if Blitz thought that mean slipper and nasty old jacket were hiding Aj from him and he was going to find him. If I had any doubt before that Blitz remembers and misses Aj, it was dispelled last night. It doesn't surprise me, Aj and Blitz were best buds and partners in crime. I know they can't wait to be together again.

Today is NFL Sunday. Blitz, April, and I chill in the living room together and watch the games and relax. Hoping to hear from Aj. Today he has the day off and I hope the internet works well enough to get to chat with him a bit again. At least the kids aren't fighting today and have decided to play nice and get along. April even ran up and gave Blitz a kiss right after I let her out of her tank.

I feel sorry for my friends and family. Aj and I post all the time about our dog and turtle.. Can you imagine how annoyingly terrible we will be when we have our own two legged children? 

A New Way to Communicate?

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." - Anthony Robbins

A good portion of my life has been based on studying communication.  One thing you learn is that when trying get a point across and bring someone to understand your way of thinking, you must take into consideration who you are speaking to. "Know your audience," was a phrase I heard over and over again. This is an important tool to remember in not just competitions, but in life. I never quite understood why people don't implement that bit of advice in communicating with the person(s) who needs to understand them the most, their family and friends.


If you have ever read an article on relationship building, glanced at a marriage help book, or just been to a seminar regarding getting along with co-workers, communication is always the major theme. You will hear listening techniques, trigger words, and even read advice on "how to fight fair." I have always been surprised that not once, ever, have I ever read or heard in the thousands of different speeches and writings the phrase, "know your audience." Something that is absolutely crucial to communicating effectively. You hear people all the time say that communication in relationships is hard because men and women are so different. Let me promise you, that it really isn't anything to do with "men and women" but the fact that everyone is different.

The reason I am bringing all of this up, on our blog site meant to update everyone on how Aj and I are doing, is because last week Aj and I had a miscommunication. It wasn't anything big or fight inducing, but was something that we needed to figure out how to get on the same page with before it ended up being a problem. Aj and I have completely different thought processes. We see and analyze problems differently and so sometimes getting on the same page is frustrating. This is where "knowing your audience" is so important. In this instance, I was trying to explain to Aj not only why I had become upset but also what we can do in the future to prevent the problem. My audience, my football loving husband, Aj.

So, knowing this about my husband, this is how I chose to explain to him where the problem occurred and how to prevent it from happening. If you know enough about football, you may actually understand what I am talking about...

"Ok babe, this is what happened. You and I created a play book in order to make it to the Super Bowl. This month, we decided on a play together in the huddle but after the snap you changed the play. So I was running a slant and you threw to post. Because you changed the play after the snap, I didn't know to run to post. So the ball was incomplete and almost intercepted altogether. I'm not upset about the play that you called, it was probably the better play to make, I'm upset because you changed the play after the snap and so I wasn't able to be there to catch the ball. The play almost ended up being intercepted by Charles Woodson, which would have hurt us. So, when you read blitz and decide you need to change the play, make sure you call an audible to let me know so I can be there to catch the ball. After the snap is too late, and even though it would have been the better play to make, we'll just have to wait till the next huddle to discuss how to go about making our next play better."

Aj completely understood where I was coming from and we were able to resolve the issue. We are now on the same page and don't have this frustrating problem anymore. The reason we were able to resolve it? We know each other and what we can both relate too. We also know that we think on different levels at times and so, needed to be talking about something on a common ground that we both understand and can use to discuss. Football, once again, saves the day.

It's amazing how much miscommunication happens and how much it can truly hurt a relationship. Deployment are notorious for this. Aj and I wanted to share this story with everyone, not only those who are married or whose spouses are deployed, but just in general. Cause not only is it a pretty damn funny story, we thought it may help you too.

Shoes, weight loss, and the kids...

It's truly amazing how much can happen in one week This is less of a themed post, like the beginning of October or our affection for football, and more a random scattering of events. First of which is Aj and shoes. A lot of you know Aj, some of you only know him through my rattlings online or over the phone, but if you haven't heard by now, he's a little active. Ok, lets be honest, he doesn't stop moving. My mother put it perfectly when I was laughing with her about how Aj can seem narcoleptic at times (he sits down and falls asleep instantly) and she said, "Well, that's because when he is awake, he is going at 110% the entire time, so when his body finally slows down, it just crashes!" How true that is! It is one of the best things about him, I  have someone that can not only keep up with my energy level, but surpass it. The one pit fall? My man is hard on his shoes. In fact, he is hard on everything. He's broken numerous pairs of glasses, he wears out running shoes faster then most race runners, and his closet is full of partially torn shirts. This past week I bought Aj some new shoes for when he gets home on RR, and then got a call, "Hey babe, I need some new running shoes, mine are starting to talk to me." The last time we bought Aj some new running shoes for deployment? Three and a half months ago.Although it doesn't really seem like something major, and really worth blogging about, I just felt like throwing it out there.   In 130 degree heat, Aj's activity level hasn't stopped at all. Playing football (touch football by the way) he chunked out his knees pretty badly and had to quit playing for a bit, got a concussion and also threw out his elbow (surprise, surprise, after another guy twisted up his ankle, they finally put a stop to recreational football). So yes, he's deployed, and yes, he works all the time and sleeps a lot too, but his activity level hasn't been touched. He's still my Aj.
    This last week was definitely a tough one for him though. In an eighty hour time frame, he only got about 12 hours of sleep. Not 12 hours in a row, but 2 hear, 20 mins there... Finally on Friday and Saturday he was able to catch up, and feel human again. Hopefully tomorrow, his next 24 hour shift, he will get his next package and that will put a smile on his face.

     The next on my list of "blog items", is about my weight loss journey. Actually, this is a bit of a frustrated rant that I want to get off my chest. No, it's not about how I just can't lose the weight, I'm doing fine, it's more peoples reactions to my desire for weight loss. First off, let me assure you, that I am no where near anorexic. In fact, I am still on the higher end of my healthy weight allowances for my height and body type. Am I fat? Goodness no. But I still desire to lose just a few more pounds. For all of you who act disgusted with me and have given me negative criticism about my efforts, this is for you, my reasonings:

    1) As previously stated, Aj and I live a ridiculously active lifestyle that we love. Running, going to the gym, and losing a few more pounds to get healthy will add to my energy level by boosting my metabolism. With an increase in lean muscle and a decrease in % body fat, I will naturally have more energy and it will sustain for longer amounts of time. Having more energy to enjoy life with my husband is a goal worth working towards to me.
    2) I come from a long line of women that have problems with weight and with a low metabolism. I have the same problem. If I am not cautious and do not work out and eat properly, my metabolism crashes in no time and weight piles on faster than birthday cake in a one year old's lap. I do not ever want to get into the trap of not worrying about my weight because I have gained "just five lbs, no big deal." That is a slippery slope that I cannot afford. So, because of this, it is better if I aim to be on the lower end of my healthy weight, then on the higher end. This gives me a healthy allowable weight fluctuation, as opposed to already being on the heavy end and then it just getting worse.
   3) Because I am going into the health and nutrition field, I understand that I will be held to a higher standard by my clientele, and that they will judge my abilities to help them on my abilities to help myself. This is perfectly understandable and something that I am completely willing to under-go, but that means I have to be, again, on the lighter side of my body type allowance.
& 4) One of these days, Aj and I want to start a family. When we eventually do, being at a lower weight and already being in a healthy lifestyle will help with not only my pregnancy and getting back to a lower weight afterward, but also help in just getting pregnant.

     I am so tired of having to defend myself and my desire. I am not losing weight because of self confidence and self esteem issues (although I would be lying if I said I didn't think I would look better after I hit my goal weight), but because I know the line I come from, the lifestyle I live, and what I want in my future, and I know that eight more lbs isn't going to hurt me but can help me all the way around. I am not trying to lose weight because I think Aj wants me to, that's quite the contrary, Aj doesn't like overly skinny girls and would let me know if I took it too far. So please, please quit lecturing me on it. I am so tired of hearing it.

           My last little blog item is about Aj and my "kids", Blitz and April. The two of them have had an eventful week. Blitz over heats so easily, that he hates the summer. Now that fall has come, this huge burst of never ending energy has come out and I just can't keep up! We went on a four mile run on Saturday night, came back to the apartment and he picked up his toys and started running around the apartment as if he had just woken up from a power nap. I couldn't believe it. Somehow, the cooler weather has also activated a whole other degree of smell power in him as well, and he has been getting into everything!! Including my vitamins. I keep my vitamins by my bed in order to remember to take them every night. I came home from work last week to find them bitten open and one bottle completely empty. One of the supplements I take, is fish oil. Apparently he could smell it and couldn't help himself. Although, I decided it is partially my fault. He is so intelligent that to keep him busy I have bought him many different types of toys that he has to figure out how to get the treats out of.... This, in his mind, was no different them my leaving a kong full of kibble for him. Luckily he didn't eat the actual multi-vitamins (the amount of iron in them would have been toxic) and that fish oil is not harmful at all.
April, our little girl turtle, had quite the day today of antagonizing her younger brother. She would routinely charge him on the floor, climbed into his water dish, relax suspiciously by his chew bone, and finally decided to just chill in the middle of his bed. Blitz knows that he is not allowed to mess with her, and she seemed to know that too today. I continually got looks of, "Really mom?" from him all afternoon. A turtle with attitude, that's our little girl.

Like I said before, it's not a theme today. Nothing to wrap up in a nice neat little bow, but a little here and there about our life and our crazy little week.

Oh wonderful October!

It's October! Can I get a Woot Woot!! I've never before felt so much excitement about the month of October, and honestly, I can't tell you exactly why I am so happy now, except for this month has been sort of a bench mark for Aj and I in this deployment. We are now closer to RR than we are from the starting of this whole mess. The weather has officially started to get cooler, football season is getting on a roll, the holiday season is coming, and other husbands are already starting their trips home for two weeks. It's going to be a great month.

Aj and I both want to put a shout out to our friends who have their two weeks of rest and recoup this month. Remember that silly arguments aren't worth it, to kiss each other every time it crosses your mind, laugh as much as possible, and to not sweat the small stuff while you are together. Love you guys!! Enjoy your time!

On Saturday Aj was promoted to Specialist, E-4. This isn't the first time that Aj has been at this rank and the First Sergeant teased him about that when promoting him, but I am still very proud of him. He of course, says its not big deal, "Been there, done that." He says. But I think he is wonderful, and am thrilled for him. He's amazing.

We also had a good friend, she knows who she is, who was told due to an accident as a child, that she would never be athletic, never be able to do any sort of sports activities or even lift any weights over 7 lbs, that entered a 10k race on Saturday and finished it in 1 hour 5 minutes. Aj and I both want to say, "WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU!" You are an inspiration and a role model. You can do anything, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Besides, you've already proven them wrong.

So, we don't have a large update for the time being. But we both wanted to say a couple of things, and I wanted to make sure to brag about my husband, he deserves the recognition. He has been through so much and continues to smile. It's October, finally. We are getting so close. I've never loved this month more then I do now, in fact, it's quickly becoming my favorite.