A New Way to Communicate?

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." - Anthony Robbins

A good portion of my life has been based on studying communication.  One thing you learn is that when trying get a point across and bring someone to understand your way of thinking, you must take into consideration who you are speaking to. "Know your audience," was a phrase I heard over and over again. This is an important tool to remember in not just competitions, but in life. I never quite understood why people don't implement that bit of advice in communicating with the person(s) who needs to understand them the most, their family and friends.


If you have ever read an article on relationship building, glanced at a marriage help book, or just been to a seminar regarding getting along with co-workers, communication is always the major theme. You will hear listening techniques, trigger words, and even read advice on "how to fight fair." I have always been surprised that not once, ever, have I ever read or heard in the thousands of different speeches and writings the phrase, "know your audience." Something that is absolutely crucial to communicating effectively. You hear people all the time say that communication in relationships is hard because men and women are so different. Let me promise you, that it really isn't anything to do with "men and women" but the fact that everyone is different.

The reason I am bringing all of this up, on our blog site meant to update everyone on how Aj and I are doing, is because last week Aj and I had a miscommunication. It wasn't anything big or fight inducing, but was something that we needed to figure out how to get on the same page with before it ended up being a problem. Aj and I have completely different thought processes. We see and analyze problems differently and so sometimes getting on the same page is frustrating. This is where "knowing your audience" is so important. In this instance, I was trying to explain to Aj not only why I had become upset but also what we can do in the future to prevent the problem. My audience, my football loving husband, Aj.

So, knowing this about my husband, this is how I chose to explain to him where the problem occurred and how to prevent it from happening. If you know enough about football, you may actually understand what I am talking about...

"Ok babe, this is what happened. You and I created a play book in order to make it to the Super Bowl. This month, we decided on a play together in the huddle but after the snap you changed the play. So I was running a slant and you threw to post. Because you changed the play after the snap, I didn't know to run to post. So the ball was incomplete and almost intercepted altogether. I'm not upset about the play that you called, it was probably the better play to make, I'm upset because you changed the play after the snap and so I wasn't able to be there to catch the ball. The play almost ended up being intercepted by Charles Woodson, which would have hurt us. So, when you read blitz and decide you need to change the play, make sure you call an audible to let me know so I can be there to catch the ball. After the snap is too late, and even though it would have been the better play to make, we'll just have to wait till the next huddle to discuss how to go about making our next play better."

Aj completely understood where I was coming from and we were able to resolve the issue. We are now on the same page and don't have this frustrating problem anymore. The reason we were able to resolve it? We know each other and what we can both relate too. We also know that we think on different levels at times and so, needed to be talking about something on a common ground that we both understand and can use to discuss. Football, once again, saves the day.

It's amazing how much miscommunication happens and how much it can truly hurt a relationship. Deployment are notorious for this. Aj and I wanted to share this story with everyone, not only those who are married or whose spouses are deployed, but just in general. Cause not only is it a pretty damn funny story, we thought it may help you too.