It's Time.

AJ will be home soon. Very soon. I don't even know what to say. It hits me in spurts that this whole thing is over (like the other day after I colored my hair... For some odd reason...) It's completely surreal. He's going to be home, and not just to visit, but truly home. Home to stay.
The next few days I'm trying to stay busy. "Staying busy makes the time go by faster..." blah blah blah... Pretty much doesn't matter if I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, this has been the longest week of my life. But we are almost there. We are so close. So freaking close.
These are some of the pictures I took last year on the day of deployment.. Looking back at these, brings so much back to me.. I remember helping him pack and take his stuff out to the car. I remember watching as he said goodbye to Blitz. I remember walking into the gym filled with other soldiers & family members and  trying not to cry, trying to be brave as we sat together for that last 30 minutes. The panic as he was called into formation and we had to say our final goodbyes, standing in the gym watching him from afar as they waited to load the buses and then watching in the dark as my husband loaded up and drove away. Last year, I didn't cry in the gym in front of him. I promised myself I would keep it together. I remember feeling completely and totally empty inside as I had to watch him walk away. I didn't cry as I watched him load onto the bus. I remember walking calmly to my car and climbing behind the wheel. I remember starting the car. And then I remember the tears. I couldn't stop them anymore. I started to bawl in the parking lot in my car. In AJ's car. It still smelled like him. The radio was still on. Everything was the same except he was gone and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried and heaved and sobbed right there and then. I don't remember much that night after the crying. I couldn't tell you about the drive home, I couldn't tell you if I called anyone to make me feel better. I can tell you it was one of the loneliest and emptiest feelings I've ever had in my life.
I have missed him so badly every single day. Not one day, not one single day have I not missed him with everything I have. Not one day have I not felt that emptiness and loneliness for at least a moment, if not for days at  a time. But, ladies & gentleman, its almost over. It's surreal. This is almost over. Practically hours away. These pictures will be side by side with new ones. And I promise, I will cry again. I will bawl again. I will cry because I feel whole again. I will cry because the fear of something terrible happening to him is over. I will probably cry the first time I can pick up my phone and call him. For the first time in a year, I will be able to pick up my phone and call my husband just to say hello. And yes, I will cry. I can't wait. I can't wait to cry again.

His last goodbyes to Blitz.

Loading the car up.

Trying to be goofy and enjoy each other.

One last picture together.

When the soldiers were separated from the family members..

Getting ready for their final formation.

In formation and ready to head out.

The very dark last image I had of him... Loading the buses. Before my tears.

This blog... very very soon... to be continued...