Terrific Lady Day!

Last Saturday was a pretty rough day for me and things didn't get better after that this week. So AJ got some inspiration from one of our favorite TV comedy series, The League, and decided to give me a terrific lady day!

He started by going on the internet and looking up recipes for dinner. He found a couple of recipes (pretty complex ones I might add..) and then headed to Wal-Mart. He came home with a few bags..

I peaked in the bags and saw fresh dill, pine nuts, fresh parsley, and yogurt... Hmmm...

Him starting the meal.

Things heat up in the kitchen.. Clothes come off!

So many things going on in here!

And out comes: This amazing salad with homemade vinaigrette!

Plus this incredible wheat pasta dinner with homemade white dill yogurt sauce.. MMMM!!!

Amazing dinner and I am so happy!

Completely deserving of a smooch! I love this man!

But he didn't end there.. After eating this amazing dinner and watching a chick flick with me (seriously chick flick.. I was watching 13 Going On 30.. Lol)- we went to bed and I woke up the next morning to..

Homemade breakfast! Wheat English Muffins, Organic Eggs, Cheese and Canadian Bacon.... Add orange juice and coffee- couldn't be better! (Can I just add AJ is not a health nut.. he did the wheat/ organic stuff just for me. :)  )

What a husband! It was perfect and made what was a terrible week terrific! :) (I want to add, I don't think he has cooked anything other than steak for dinner in his entire life. Lol)

Post- Script

My husband was reading through the blogs the other day and he felt like I had left out a very important part of the "soccer saga story". He said I should add it in there somewhere because it really makes a difference, so for him, I am putting it in a little post script. Here it is:

Last Thursday, before I ever said anything to the girls about dressing in a certain manner or a dress code, I asked Coach Alan about it. I talked to him about whether or not he felt the girls were dressing inappropriately and if it would be alright if we told them it was unacceptable at practice and he agreed with me before one word was uttered to the girls.

So there you have it. The post-script: Yes, I had Coach Alan's complete approval to ban this type of dress before any of this even started.

The Right Thing..?

So here is the update from soccer practice on Monday. 

When I arrived at practice I was fully prepared to discuss the issue with the girls and any concerned parents that were there. I had spent a portion of the day researching the most competitive soccer clubs in various states and whether or not they had dress codes at practices. Most did. I also called the major Universities in the area and spoke with the coaching staffs regarding dress codes at their practices and what scouts would do if they came to our practice and saw my very young girls dressed in such a manner (I contacted the Sooners, the Longhorns, and the Cowboys). All of which, not surprisingly, backed me up. I then put all the information I had gathered onto an informational sheet and made copies. I was prepared. 

When I arrived, Coach Alan walked up to my car and said, "Now don't get too mad but a bunch of the girls have dressed inappropriately on purpose to protest." I found this very funny and told him that it looked like we had our own bra burning session to deal with. I then explained to him that I was fully prepared and ready to talk with everyone and afterwards I would have the girls wear jerseys in order to practice. Coach Alan responded, "No, I need to step in and talk to them about it. I should have from the beginning, I want to talk to them."

We gathered the girls together, with a few of the parents (including the woman that had screamed at me in front of Country Mart, who by the way, had made such a scene that our team was told by the manager that if parents were going to act like that, we were not welcome back).  Coach Alan told the girls that it was his fault and that I was representing him when I told the girls they couldn't wear clothing like that anymore. That he should have "manned up!" and gotten involved in the beginning.Then...

Wait for it...... Wait for it.....

He told the girls he wasn't going to change the dress code after the season had already been under way a few weeks and that the girls could continue to wear whatever they wanted. He would discuss dress codes next season (I will be gone).

I was completely blindsided. The mother who screamed at me laughed and said, "yes!", as if she had won something. And although Coach Alan told the girls it was no reflection on me because I was just his advocate, everyone there knew better. I couldn't believe it. 

So, I finished out the practice like it was a normal day and afterwards, went up to Coach Alan and told him it would be my last practice. He protested and claimed he didn't understand why. I reminded him that when I spoke with him on Saturday after the incident in the parking lot, I had explained to him that if he was unwilling to back me up to the girls and parents I couldn't be part of this team and he had agreed and understood. He tried for a while to tell me he thought he had protected me, but that isn't what he had done and I knew it. I shook his hand and walked off the field.

I went home and cried after that. I was so angry and frustrated. 

I did have to go back to practice Tuesday night. I had promised the girls pizza that night and so I came at the end of practice to deliver it. I was swarmed by parents wanting me back and even another part time assistant coach asking me to reconsider. I was surprised but pleased to hear they missed me so much after one practice without me, but I had to decline.

I felt like the head coach had cut my legs out from under me. I felt like he had rewarded a woman who bullied and screamed to get her way. I also felt he was teaching the girls to make poor life decisions and to go about getting what you want in a negative way. I had no credence as a coach or authority figure on the team and so I couldn't go back. Although it felt good to know I was needed and wanted, it was so hard to walk away again.

My husband told me I did the right thing. My co-workers told me I did the right thing. My parents told me I did the right thing. I think I did the right thing, but man.. It's so tough.

Girls Soccer and Screaming Parents

As most of you know, I became the assistant coach to the traveling U16 girls soccer team in Lawton a few weeks ago. In soccer and most sports, U16 stands for Under 16 years of age, meaning that my girls are between the ages of 13-15 years old. When I arrived at soccer practice for the first time and watched the girls, I have to say, they were a hot mess. The head coach, Alan, has been doing what he can but this team is relatively new as a group and their skill level is all over the place. Over the past few weeks though, I have seen some very encouraging improvement. Although I could go into more detail about the team and the girls (and I will in a future post) this is not what this particular post is about. This post is about the "altercation" I had with one of my parents on Saturday in the parking lot of a Country Mart. 

Coach Alan is 60 years old. He is a very soft spoken man who at times is uncomfortable dealing with the inevitable issues that coincide with a teenage girls soccer team and therefore I have taken over in this regard. One thing that has been really bothering me on this team, is the way a few of the girls dress at soccer practice. In particular, when they come to practice with their shirts like this: 

Obviously this is not my soccer team but this is how my young girls have been dressing, except for the slit on the side goes entirely down the shirt, leaving only a small piece of fabric connected. Last Thursday I had a talk with the team and told them that tank tops were fine but shirts such as this are unacceptable. They rolled their eyes but didn't say much more. 

Then on Saturday we had a team fundraiser and promotion activity at Country Mart. While I was there one of the girl's moms approached me and proceeded to quite literally scream at me in the parking lot regarding my not allowing the girls to dress like this. She was extremely angry and had no desire to listen to a single word I had to say. I told her I had no problem discussing the issue with her but she didn't care to discuss anything. She then told me that she would be at practice on Monday with her daughter and her daughter would wear whatever she wanted. I explained that if she,or any of the other girls, came dressed inappropriately, I would make them wear a jersey. To which this mom replied, "Oh no you will not!! She will NOT be made to wear a jersey!!" and stormed off. She then talked to the head coach and told him that if I enforced this dress policy, she will pull her daughter from the soccer team. 

Afterwards, I spoke with Coach Alan about the issue and told him that if she or any of the other girls dressed in that fashion I would make them wear a jersey and if they refused to wear a jersey they would sit out during practice. He told me he would back me up on the issue, so we will see how tonight goes. 

I have to say, I was totally prepared for reluctance from the team and from some of the girls and to even have some that tested me, but for the parents to become this outrageously upset because I am asking the girls to wear a full shirt or tank top to practice, is completely baffling to me. Not stopping your 14 year old girl from dressing this way is one thing but actually supporting and vehemently fighting for and advocating it is a whole other. I will pull my daughter from the soccer team if she can't dress this way? That is absolutely ludicrous in my opinion. I'll keep you posted on how practice goes tonight. Who knows, maybe I will be posting pictures of a black eye... But no matter what, none of my girls will be practicing inappropriately dressed. That I promise.

The Second Attempt..

If you read my picture update a little while ago, you would know that AJ recently decided to quit smoking again. It was his second attempt... And after a week (a very, very, very loooooong week), Sunday night around 8 pm, AJ went to the store and bought himself a pack of cigarettes... He also felt it necessary to buy me these:

I think him feeling as if he owed me flowers about sums up what kind of a week it was and how the second attempt went. Lol But he is not done.. He will give it another go sometime soon.. And he'll kick this nicotine habit right in its tush someday.

Marriage & Life: Post Deployment

My mother has been asked by some about how AJ & I are doing after the deployment. Their concern is not only natural, but also very real. AJ & I were married only 4 months before he deployed and he was gone for just short of a year. Long distance relationships are hard to begin with and adding into it the lack of consistent communication and the danger of the life of a deployed soldier, its much worse than any normal long distance scenario.

Those of you who have been following our blog for a while were there through quite a bit of our deployment and have seen some of the ups and downs. Two posts that come to mind are adequately titled: Dear Deployment: We're Winning and The Cycle. 

It was a very tumultuous and difficult year. But it is over and AJ & I have been back together for over three months now. I think its a good time to let everyone know what it has been like, for the both of us, to be together again. 

First, let me say that I do not consider AJ & my relationship and our deployment experience typical. I would be remiss if I were to say that this blog can be used as an informative blog on, "What to expect during and after a deployment." This blog is about how it was and has been for AJ & I, not for anyone else. 

The deployment like I said, was very difficult, not for on our relationship but on us.

For me, I had just moved to Oklahoma a few months prior and was still getting to know the surrounding area. The military mindset and lifestyle is not really my cup of tea. It does have a lot of programs designed to help spouses through a deployment but I didn't really fit into any of them. For three main reasons: we don't drink, we don't have kids, and women take a while to warm up to me. I had also made the decision before AJ left that having toxic people in my life or doing things that could be misconstrued or miscommunicated (ie partying, bars, etc.)  were not going to happen with him deployed. The last thing my husband needed on his mind during deployment was that his wife is out with questionable people till the wee hours of the morning and hearing odd reports from others. So due to the military mindset and the aforementioned issues, I seemed to end up isolated from most of the people and goings on around here. It was the quietest and most self reflective year of my life. An admitted extrovert, having a year of being alone was hard but something I can honestly say I feel everyone needs. For an entire year, it was me and our dog Blitz. That and keeping my phone next to me every hour of every day and every night, waiting for the next phone call from my best friend. 

For AJ the deployment was difficult for obvious and some less than obvious reasons. He worked disgusting hours. I'm talking 24 hours on and 24 hours off for almost an entire year. Then at "training" times he would be away from his bed and/or bunker for days on end, trying to catch a few mins sleep here and there whenever possible. His stress of trying to get in touch with me every single day was always on him. He did everything he could. He almost always found some way to get into touch with me and tell me he was alright. On top of that, the other soldiers didn't understand our relationship and that AJ wanted to talk to me every day. He wanted to hear my voice every day as much as I wanted to hear his. Although I kept myself away from the drama of other wives and individuals, he was constantly around the other soldiers and the drama. More than once during his precious time away from site, he was required to take care of soldiers who had obviously exceeded their "two beer" limit in the rec room.

Our relationship during the deployment never wavered though and we were there for each other however we possibly could be. I sent packages to him a couple times every month. During it all, we had family deaths, military drama, family drama, holidays alone, very scary health issues etc. occur and we got through them together. Truly together. Being best friends and having common interests really helped us out too. Especially our mutual love for sports. It gave us a common stomping ground and something to talk about while worlds apart and having no real life experiences together. Our being friends with common interests and both of our decisions to keep away from toxic situations and people were key to our success in not only maintaining but advancing our relationship during the deployment.

Because of all of this, I believe that AJ & my transitioning back into life together was a lot less stressful and difficult than a lot of others. Although I won't say seamless. 

The first month and a half together was ridiculously busy. We went to Texas three times, Idaho for two weeks, as well as visited with friends, golfing, baseball, running, etc. It was a giant whirlwind. This particular month and a half was different for both AJ & I. I was used to a quiet, routine filled life with Blitz and AJ wasn't even used to driving (it actually weirded him out for a while at first). So we took that time in relative stride together.

It was when we got back to a "regular" routine and quiet life that our difficulties arouse.

For AJ it was having responsibilities at home again and not living with the guys anymore. Washing dishes, doing laundry, calling to say when he was home, taking out the dogs, making dinner, connecting with his family, watching the finances; all of these were responsibilities he was no longer used to. Although we do them together as a team, it was still tiring and frustrating for him at first. Plus, us being newly married before he left, the responsibilities of marriage in general were still relatively new when he got home. It was literally a new world and although he was and is amazing, it was odd and difficult for him to come home to after things slowed down. Not to mention since AJ and I don't drink, once he got back the majority of soldiers just wanted to go get plastered all the time. AJ ended up feeling a little ostracized from the men he had spent an entire year with. 

For me, it was the exact opposite. I had done everything for an entire year. I had this special bond and routine with Blitz, I had kept the house clean and done the finances. I had everything the way I wanted it. AJ is very hands on. He isn't a husband that goes to work, comes home, and then expects the wife to care for everything. AJ wants to be a teammate and not taken care of like a child. Me allowing him to do these things was hard. I was so used to my routine and doing things my way that him doing the dishes while he was home at lunch and not before we went to bed, meant dirty dishes in the sink all night (I know.. gasp right?). I would come home and instead of watching Jon Stewart, AJ would be playing MLB 2011. I didn't know what to do with myself.. I mean, that was  my routine!

But I have to say, that really has been the worst of it and for that we are truly blessed. Over the past couple of months we have gotten ourselves back into a routine and set-up together instead of apart. We have figured out the TV situation and the household stuff. AJ has found things to do with the guys that don't involve alcohol and I have a U16 soccer team keeping me busy. So I have to say, we are doing pretty amazing. He is my best friend and I have him home. I still jump and run to the phone when it rings, scared I'll miss his call sometimes. Old habits die hard. He still calls me during the day at work just cause, but now I can call him too. AJ is home and so I finally am too.

Picture Update!! (A real one this time..)

Ok, so I finally got some pictures on the computer. Some of these are older and I have already blogged about the events they were taken for, others are newer. So here is our past due picture update:

The Military Ball

The military ball pictures came in. Not exactly the same one I posted before... but not too bad nonetheless. ;)

 

Our World Cup "Party"

Excited and ready for individuals to show up for our World Cup party!!

AJ sitting after one cancellation or no-show after another.. Ugh.. 

 

Baylee was feeling the spirit at least!!

Swimming Lessons

Because it is so ridiculously hot, AJ & I take the pups to the hatchery to swim a lot. Baylee is like a fish but Blitz refuses to do anything but wade in the water. My sexy husband decided that he would wade out there and see if Blitz would swim after him.

So far so good..

 

And that's where Blitz stops. Baylee swam out to him and he picked her up, but Blitz wouldn't go any further. Oh well.

More Summer Fishing

AJ has been fishing a lot lately. I find it ridiculously sexy to watch him cast out.

 

Baylee and Blitz are always up for some fishing too! 

 

What a Guy

 

AJ came to me the other day and announced that he wants to try quitting smoking again. He did really well last year when he tried to give it up, but the deployment didn't help much. So he is ready for round two. I am so proud. :)

Another New Addition.. Thanks babe!

And meet Tackle Box. Our new cat. AJ found him lost and crying in the laundry room. He has been declawed and neutered. We did everything we could to find his home but to no avail.

AJ & I are now saying we have four children. One from before we got together, his "stepdaughter" April (my turtle), two "biological" children: Blitz and Baylee, and now one adopted young man named Tackle Box. Just call us a blended family. :)

 So there is a short picture update for everyone; old and new.. I hope you all had an amazing weekend!.