As most of you know, I became the assistant coach to the traveling U16 girls soccer team in Lawton a few weeks ago. In soccer and most sports, U16 stands for Under 16 years of age, meaning that my girls are between the ages of 13-15 years old. When I arrived at soccer practice for the first time and watched the girls, I have to say, they were a hot mess. The head coach, Alan, has been doing what he can but this team is relatively new as a group and their skill level is all over the place. Over the past few weeks though, I have seen some very encouraging improvement. Although I could go into more detail about the team and the girls (and I will in a future post) this is not what this particular post is about. This post is about the "altercation" I had with one of my parents on Saturday in the parking lot of a Country Mart.
Coach Alan is 60 years old. He is a very soft spoken man who at times is uncomfortable dealing with the inevitable issues that coincide with a teenage girls soccer team and therefore I have taken over in this regard. One thing that has been really bothering me on this team, is the way a few of the girls dress at soccer practice. In particular, when they come to practice with their shirts like this:
Obviously this is not my soccer team but this is how my young girls have been dressing, except for the slit on the side goes entirely down the shirt, leaving only a small piece of fabric connected. Last Thursday I had a talk with the team and told them that tank tops were fine but shirts such as this are unacceptable. They rolled their eyes but didn't say much more.
Then on Saturday we had a team fundraiser and promotion activity at Country Mart. While I was there one of the girl's moms approached me and proceeded to quite literally scream at me in the parking lot regarding my not allowing the girls to dress like this. She was extremely angry and had no desire to listen to a single word I had to say. I told her I had no problem discussing the issue with her but she didn't care to discuss anything. She then told me that she would be at practice on Monday with her daughter and her daughter would wear whatever she wanted. I explained that if she,or any of the other girls, came dressed inappropriately, I would make them wear a jersey. To which this mom replied, "Oh no you will not!! She will NOT be made to wear a jersey!!" and stormed off. She then talked to the head coach and told him that if I enforced this dress policy, she will pull her daughter from the soccer team.
Afterwards, I spoke with Coach Alan about the issue and told him that if she or any of the other girls dressed in that fashion I would make them wear a jersey and if they refused to wear a jersey they would sit out during practice. He told me he would back me up on the issue, so we will see how tonight goes.
I have to say, I was totally prepared for reluctance from the team and from some of the girls and to even have some that tested me, but for the parents to become this outrageously upset because I am asking the girls to wear a full shirt or tank top to practice, is completely baffling to me. Not stopping your 14 year old girl from dressing this way is one thing but actually supporting and vehemently fighting for and advocating it is a whole other. I will pull my daughter from the soccer team if she can't dress this way? That is absolutely ludicrous in my opinion. I'll keep you posted on how practice goes tonight. Who knows, maybe I will be posting pictures of a black eye... But no matter what, none of my girls will be practicing inappropriately dressed. That I promise.
5 comments:
You are a strong woman, I'm glad your sticking to your guns on this one! Parents continue to surprise me with responses like this, and you wonder why their children would struggle with it. Seriously there is a mature and calm way to discuss those types of things, having an outburst like that reminds me of my three year old. Maybe that was too harsh but that is absolutely ridiculous to have a mother react that way when all your asking is that they wear clothes that are attached, I mean their 13-15 years old what kind of a message do they that's sending. I have a hard time with this, when parent make their kids look sexy and sensual at such young ages. Anyway thanks for sharing, you have to share what happened at practice.
I can't believe that mother said those things to you! I am by no means a prude but I agree that those shirts are inappropriate for teenage girls — just like when I see some of the outfits that teens and prepubescent girls are sporting these days, I can't help but cringe. I'm so scared of what my girls will want to wear when they get older!
Thank you for being the voice of decency, self-respect, and presentable women. I admire your strength and courage. Hang in there and continue to take the high road!
The main thing that crossed my mind was not about the sexiness of this style shirt, but about keeping cool. Perhaps the outfit choice was a mixture of both (sexiness and keeping cool)?
And, I'm assuming that as a coach, if you were to coach boys, they would not be allowed to go shirtless.
Regardless what the argument is. Unless you called her daughter a slut (which I can't even imagine happening), it's no reason for the mom to get so upset that she is unable to articulate anything useful. I hope you don't get a black eye for this one.
The heat was one of the arguments for the shirts to be worn that way and the only one that I felt could be argued at all. But since these girls are so young (13-15 years) and some of the players and coaching staff were uncomfortable with it, not to mention college scouts, I do not feel it is unreasonable to ask them to wear a full shirt. There are plenty of billowy tank tops and shirts that would pretty much equal in "coolness" that would not be inappropriate at this age level. And I also believe the coaching staff has the right to establish a dress code for practice, just as some highschool coaches even require their players to "dress up" at school on game days. I'm not asking for much, just for a full shirt or tank top.
And the "what about boys and shirts off" argument was made by one of the girls. To which I explained that they first have to realize that they are not boys, and as such, are not going to be able to do everything they do. Such as not have shirts off during practice. That they have to wear bras and have a monthly cycle. That boys do not have sexual "private" parts on their chests and aren't seen sexually at 15 years without shirts, but a fully developed 15 year old girl is. That's life. AND I told them that although I can't control other teams, boys wouldn't be allowed to have their shirts off at my practices either. My husband told me he never played on a competitive sports team where he was allowed to have his shirt off at practice.
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