The Right Thing..?

So here is the update from soccer practice on Monday. 

When I arrived at practice I was fully prepared to discuss the issue with the girls and any concerned parents that were there. I had spent a portion of the day researching the most competitive soccer clubs in various states and whether or not they had dress codes at practices. Most did. I also called the major Universities in the area and spoke with the coaching staffs regarding dress codes at their practices and what scouts would do if they came to our practice and saw my very young girls dressed in such a manner (I contacted the Sooners, the Longhorns, and the Cowboys). All of which, not surprisingly, backed me up. I then put all the information I had gathered onto an informational sheet and made copies. I was prepared. 

When I arrived, Coach Alan walked up to my car and said, "Now don't get too mad but a bunch of the girls have dressed inappropriately on purpose to protest." I found this very funny and told him that it looked like we had our own bra burning session to deal with. I then explained to him that I was fully prepared and ready to talk with everyone and afterwards I would have the girls wear jerseys in order to practice. Coach Alan responded, "No, I need to step in and talk to them about it. I should have from the beginning, I want to talk to them."

We gathered the girls together, with a few of the parents (including the woman that had screamed at me in front of Country Mart, who by the way, had made such a scene that our team was told by the manager that if parents were going to act like that, we were not welcome back).  Coach Alan told the girls that it was his fault and that I was representing him when I told the girls they couldn't wear clothing like that anymore. That he should have "manned up!" and gotten involved in the beginning.Then...

Wait for it...... Wait for it.....

He told the girls he wasn't going to change the dress code after the season had already been under way a few weeks and that the girls could continue to wear whatever they wanted. He would discuss dress codes next season (I will be gone).

I was completely blindsided. The mother who screamed at me laughed and said, "yes!", as if she had won something. And although Coach Alan told the girls it was no reflection on me because I was just his advocate, everyone there knew better. I couldn't believe it. 

So, I finished out the practice like it was a normal day and afterwards, went up to Coach Alan and told him it would be my last practice. He protested and claimed he didn't understand why. I reminded him that when I spoke with him on Saturday after the incident in the parking lot, I had explained to him that if he was unwilling to back me up to the girls and parents I couldn't be part of this team and he had agreed and understood. He tried for a while to tell me he thought he had protected me, but that isn't what he had done and I knew it. I shook his hand and walked off the field.

I went home and cried after that. I was so angry and frustrated. 

I did have to go back to practice Tuesday night. I had promised the girls pizza that night and so I came at the end of practice to deliver it. I was swarmed by parents wanting me back and even another part time assistant coach asking me to reconsider. I was surprised but pleased to hear they missed me so much after one practice without me, but I had to decline.

I felt like the head coach had cut my legs out from under me. I felt like he had rewarded a woman who bullied and screamed to get her way. I also felt he was teaching the girls to make poor life decisions and to go about getting what you want in a negative way. I had no credence as a coach or authority figure on the team and so I couldn't go back. Although it felt good to know I was needed and wanted, it was so hard to walk away again.

My husband told me I did the right thing. My co-workers told me I did the right thing. My parents told me I did the right thing. I think I did the right thing, but man.. It's so tough.